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Chapter Six  “I'LL TELL YOU ONE”
Lloyd Powell: Well, one time there was an old man had an old farm house. He used to rent it to people and nobody never could stay in it. Was ha'nted, they said. And so many went thar for to rent that house, and they never could stay but a night or two. Some of 'em never could stay all night. So the man wanted to sell the place then, and he never could sell it 'cause everybody was tellin' it was ha'nted, you know. Wouldn't nobody buy the place. So there was one fellow heered of it, and he was kind of brave. He said, well he'd go there and stay all night. So the man was to give him so much money if he'd stay all night in that house and then tell that he didn't fear nothin' and 'twasn't no ha'nted house. So this fella, he goes and gets him a newspaper. He goes on to that house and he was gonna stay a couple of nights. Dark comes. He lights his lamp. Didn't have no electric lights. He lights his lamp, and he had a little table sittin' right at the head of the bed with the lamp on it. So after it got good and dark, why he goes and gets in the bed and he goes to readin' his paper. Well, he was readin' on and first thing you know, the door come open. Then he happened to look, and in walked a big black cat. The cat walked around on the floor and presently the cat come and hopped up on that table whar the lamp was sittin'. So he wrapped his tail around that hot lamp chimney. So he looked over at the man readin' the paper and he said to this man, says, "Ain't nobody here but me and you tonight, is they?" Well, that scared the man so bad, he says, "No, and ain't gonna be nobody here but you in a minute." Over the foot of the bed the man come and out the door and down through the field he went. Well, he went way down in the low end of the field and he come to a fence. Well, he was aiming to rest, you know. He gets up on the fence for to get over. He was sittin' up on the top rail resting, and he happened to turn 'round to look, and all of a sudden a man's head hopped up on the fence beside him. This head said, "It's a pretty hot chase, ain't it?" The man, he jumped off and he said, "Yes, and by God, t'ain't done with yet." Down through the field he went as hard as he could go, and there was a rabbit jumped up in front of him. And he says, "Hey, Mr. Rabbit." Says, "If you can't run, give somebody the path that can run." Well, he outrun that rabbit, and then I don't know what he ended up doing. That was the last I heerd of it. Did you ever hear 'bout that un 'bout them two little boys gathered walnuts and divided 'em up in the graveyard? Well, there was two little boys, was gathering walnuts one day. So they didn't exactly know how to measure 'em out, you know, one to get as many as the other'n would have. So they was going by this graveyard. They was gonna separate pretty close, and one would go to his home, and the other one would go to his home. So they had to divide out these walnuts 'fore they separated. And they come by a graveyard was on a man's farm. And this man where this graveyard belonged to his place, he was a crippled man, hadn't walked since he was a kid, in years. Had the rheumatism or sump'n. And he had a man, hired hand, workin' for him. And when this hired hand had to go home, he had to pass that graveyard every night. And he was telling this man what was crippled that he believed that graveyard was ha'nted. He said sometimes it looked like he could see things when he was passing through thar. "No," he said "that ain't ha'nted; there's nothing wrong. You just think so." The hired hand kept telling him when he come to work, "I believe it is." So one night these little boys, they done got the walnuts and it done got dark on them. They come on by this graveyard and they was gonna divide 'em out. And this graveyard had a big wall all way around it. So, one of these little boys said, "Here's a good place right in here." Said, "Let's get right over in here," he said, "and divide 'em out right in here." So the other'n said that'd be all right. So they climbed over that wall and got over in that graveyard. And as they was gettin' over this wall, they dropped two walnuts on the outside. They knowed they dropped them. So they got in and started measuring 'em out in a way. They's measuring, they says, "You take this'n; I'll take that'n. You take this'n; I'll take that'n." That was the way they's dividing 'em. So when they just about finished dividing 'em, this hired hand was coming by to go home. And he heered 'em in thar. Well sir, he stood thar and listened at 'em a minute or two and he was listening what they were saying, how they was dividing 'em, "You take this'n and I take that'n." Well, it sceered him so, he broke and run back to the crippled man's house. He said, "I told you the end of time will soon be here." This crippled man says, "Oh, why?" He said, "Well, as I went past the graveyard," he says, "I heered the God Almighty and the Devil dividing up the people." "No." "Well, if you don't believe me," he says, "you get on my back," and he says, "I'll carry you thar. I don't reckon they've divided 'em all up yet, and then you can hear it for your own self." So the man, he gets up on his back and goes on out there to the graveyard, and these two little boys hadn't finished dividing 'em all up. Now, they was standing thar a-listening, you know. He was up on that hired man's back. Boy says, "You take this'n; I'll take that'n. You take this'n; I'll take that'n. And them two on the outside." Says, "You take one and I'll take the other one." Well, them two men thought it was them. Said, this crippled man jumped off that hired man's back and outrun him home. And he hadn't walked for ten years. Well, I just know a little about this man. I think his wife was cheatin' on him, you know. He was away from home workin' and he'd come in at the weekend and bring all his money and buy all this food and ev'rything. Why, when he'd come back again all of it was gone and he wanted to know how it all went so quick. She never could give no 'count, you know. Then when he'd go back off to his work, well, she'd have big parties, you know. And that's what was coming of his money. So he was telling it around and told one fellow that was to a couple of these parties she'd have, you know. So this fellow studied up then how he'd get some money out of that man. And so this man he come back again and told the same thing, how all this food that he'd bring in 'd be gone. He'd say, well, he'd just like to find out. He'd give a good price for some way he could find out what was goin' on when he was gone. So this fellow says, "Well, I can sell you a bird that kin tell all these things that goes on, tell what happens at your home. This bird kin be around that, and when you come in, this bird will tell you ev'rything that went on while you was gone." He said, "Well, what would you take for that bird?" "Well, I would take twenty-five dollars." Says, "Well, I'll just buy it." So he says, "Well, all right, I'll sell you this bird. Now next weekend when you come in, I'll let this bird tell you what all's happened." So he come in and he was thar with his bird. He says, "Well, what kin you tell me now? What kin that bird tell me?" He'd take his bird, you know, and he set him up on his knee. 'Twas a turkey gobbler he'd done made a pet out. He'd hit him on the back, you know, and ev'ry time he'd hit him on his back this old turkey gobbler'd go gobble, gobble, gobble. The man would say, "What'd he say then?" Says, "Well, your wife had a cooked ham back in the press." He'd go and look and 'twas that and, "Look in the closet and you'll find a couple of fifths of whiskey." And he went in thar and he did. And this man that had this gobbler, you know, done seen them puttin' all this thar. He knowed this woman had it. So he said, "Well, tell me sump'n else." He hit him on the back, you know, and the old gobbler went gobble, gobble, gobble. Said, "Well, what'd he say then?" "Go in that and look in the press and you'll see so many pies is all baked in thar." Well, he did, and thar they was. "Well, that's enough," he says. "How much you say you want for him?" He said, "Twenty-five dollars." Said, "Now when you go away and when you come in again," said, "now you git this bird up and he'll tell you the same thing." Said, "You just hit on his back and he'll tell you just like I told you." Well, the man went on off and he was, I think, gone about a week or two and come on back home at the weekend. So he gits his bird up and puts him up on his knee and he'd hit on his back, you know, and all that that turkey would say, gobble, gobble, gobble. Well, that's all he'd say. Well, he couldn't understand what he'd said. And that's all he could ever git him to say. There was another one 'bout a fellow whose wife would see a bunch of men while he was off workin'. This man come in to see his wife, you know, and when he heerd somebody comin' he thought 'twas her husband, why he slipped up and went up one of them skylight holes. He'd done run up in thar and hid. So there was another man come in 'stead of being the husband, was another one of her sweethearts. So they heerd her real husband comin' in that time and didn't have a chance to get out, you know, and he run under the bed. So, the third one come in, was her real husband. And he come in and asked her, says, "Darlin', has anybody been to see you since I been gone?" She says, "No." Says, "I haven't never been out; I haven't cheated on you; nobody been to see me since you've been gone." Says, "I've been just as true as the stars above." Says, "Well, now don't tell me a lie." Says, "Because you know the man above knows all things." He was talking about God, you know. And said that man up in the skylight says, "Oh, hold on now, that son of a bitch under the bed knows as much as I do!" There was one went to see a man's wife one time while he was off workin'. I think he was on the railroad. Sometimes he'd just come in; he didn't have no certain nights to come in. While he's gone these here fellows would come by to see his wife, you know, and talk and have a big time. She's by herself and they knowed if her husband ever come in and catch 'em, he'd kill 'em. So, one was in thar, the dog would bark, you know. Then they hear sump'n comin'. He didn't have a chance to get out. She said, "Lawd have mercy, that's my husband." She says, "Run under the bed," and says, "When he goes to sleep and all, why you get up. I got a big old cat here that sometimes scratches at the door and wants to go out. He kin open the door, the door'll come open. When you hear him snorin' and all, you git up and be scramblin' across the floor thar, and scratchin' with your fingernails and pull the door open and then you kin get out. And he'll say, 'What is that?' And I'll say, 'Oh, that ain't nothin' but that cat.'" So when this other one come in, 'stead of bein' her husband, 'twas another one of her fellows. So that un was in thar talkin' with the woman when the dog barked again and they hear sump'n more comin'. So she pushes that feller in with the first un, up under the bed, you know. That was her husband come that time, so this first one was under the bed, you know, when he heerd the old man snorin', you know, he gets up and he comes on out. He went "Meow," clawin' at the door. So he slipped on out. So this other one was still layin' in thar, you know. Her husband said, "What is that?" She said, "That ain't nothin' but the cat." So this other one layin' thar, he hear him snorin' again and he was gonna get up to go out. And he was sceered, you know. When he gets up for to go out to do like the other one did, to make out 'twas a cat, you know, well he crawled out from under the bed and he come out in the middle of the floor and he went to go out and he was meowin', you know, and the first thing you know, he fell over the top of a chair. And the old man hollered, "What in the hell was that?" And this man was sceered so bad he said, "It's another cat." Well, the old man, he jumped out of the bed and grabbed a chair and he like to beat that'n to death. That one was so! Robert Shifflett: Well, my father was a man that made himself at home anywhere he went. As long as he was welcome he wasn't in anyways shy. Yes, he knew a lotta jokes and I remember one that he told once to a group of preachers that were dinin' at our table. I was about I'll say ten years old. It 'uz gittin' along in the fall; they had a revival meetin' at the mission and o'course there were about seven or eight ministers that came there that were attached to the Episcopal Church in some way and they all takin' part in this week's revival. Ev'ry evenin' they would take supper at differ'nt homes before church time. We had the group one night, about seven of 'em, and they were tellin' harmless jokes around the table and they asked my father did he know any jokes pertainin' to preachers. My father said, "Well," said, "I've heard one. If you want to hear it, I'll tell you." "Oh, we want hear it, Mr. Raz." So he said, "Well, there's a group of preachers exactly like we have here tonight that were holdin' a revival and they were visitin' differ'nt homes in the community for supper before services." And said, "It happened to be a cold night and there was a little boy there." And said, "After supper they all congregated around the fire. The little boy, he had to wait for 'em to eat, and then after supper he couldn't git near the fire and he went to the barn and he laid in the hay and he still got cold and he came back. And one of these preachers asked him, 'Hey son,' said, 'missed you. Where you been?' He said, 'I've been to Hades and back.' 'Yes, and how did you find things down there?' Said, 'I like to froze just like it is here. Couldn't git to the fire for the preachers.'" My father told the preachers that joke. Well, they seemed to enjoy that. So that was the kind of man he was. He was outspoken and he was jovial and he was always ready for any kind of merriment or amusement. I'll tell you about McCauley's mine. Accordin' to all the legends and the information I've acquired, it's somewhere on that hill there back of the spring. Since I was a boy that was the general conclusion of the old timers that lived around here. When we moved here, I was twelve years old, and that's one of the first things I heard about, that we'd bought a place with a buried treasure on it. But the story I once saw in the paper mentions the mine -- the silver mine -- and I know McCauley did exist and live on this mountain and had a mine there. And there have been many people that have searched for his mine and it's never been found. And except for Frazier livin' up there, finding what he called a cave. He brought out two old pistols. I don't know whether they was caplock or flintlock; all I know they were at least 150 years old for the time so it could have very well been McCauley's mine. He said there was a mine in there. He also brought out a pick and shovel. That was in about 1960. He wouldn't tell anyone where this so-called cave or mine was. The only thing he said was, "There's a gold mine in there, boys. I know there's a gold mine in there." Besides the mining tools and the pistols, of course there may have been other paraphernalia in there that rotted away or remnants of it that he overlooked, but that's what he brought out and they say his sister has those pistol remnants today -- brass bound pistols. The wood all rotted away, but the brass was all intact and the iron parts are of course deteriorated a lot. Well, accordin' to the old legends and the general rumors here, the mine was opened back about in the early 1800s, that he made his own coins from the silver from the silver mine -- the mine was pure silver -- and that he had coined many coins. Whatever the law was after him for I do not know, whether it was the Treasury men or if it was the instance when he kidnapped a sixteen-year-old girl and carried her to his cabin and kept her there for weeks until a posse finally located his cabin. But anyway, the legend has it that he had brought the silver to this house on my place here that's gone now -- right down there in the bottom -- and he carried it from there over to a piney hill. So the only piney hill, in fact the only thing you could call a hill, is the hill back of my house and about a hundred yards to the house. Somewhere in that area there's always been rumored that this pot of coins or silver is hid. It was supposed to be pure silver from his mine. He was finally captured. When they found his cabin, they found the girl chained to the bed, and he kept her there in the daytime while he worked his mine so she couldn't escape. They claim that the girl was partially insane, and he was hanged for that. No one ever knew what happened to his mine, although various groups of people, it is rumored, combed the mountains. But in those days there was a lot of virgin timber in the mountains. They found his cabin with the girl chained to the bunk bed that he had there, and they waited for him to come in, and they tried him for seduction, which was a capital crime in those days, and they sentenced him to hang. And it's been rumored that many of these local officials promised him amnesty, to be lenient with him -- that they'd commute his sentence -- if he would tell where his mine was. But it seems that he was a little smarter than they thought -- he knew they couldn't commute his sentence, and the governor hadn't promised him anything -- so he never told them where his mine was or where he had hidden his money. So over the years it was just a legend. No one ever took the trouble to try to locate the supposedly hidden pot of money. But they did try to locate his mine. We always had harmless prevaricators on that line and the tales -- they were very int'restin'. I remember some of the tall stories. There were many of 'em. There was always some wit or two around, and then there was always the bard of the village that was always makin' songs himself, composin' songs, usually of a satirical nature 'bout someone's actions, you know, and used to make a song on it. Parjie Garrison was one of those kind. You've heard of Parjie, I know. And here is an old riddle now. Two men travelin' together stopped at a home for a night's lodgin', and course they were taken in. And the host said to 'em durin' the evenin', said, "You two gentlemen look quite a bit alike." Said, "Are you related?" And the older man says, "Well, I'll tell you what relation we are." Said, "Brothers and sisters have I none, but this man's father is my father's son." So the question is what relation were the two men? Well, they were father and son. If the older man had not brothers and sisters, he was the only son his father had. He had no brothers and sisters so he couldn't be a nephew. I had a friend to ask me not long ago how many children I had. I said I have four boys and each one of 'em has a sister, so how many's that? "Well," he said, "it's eight." If each one of 'em had a sister it would have to be five, but nine out of ten will say, "Course, it's eight." A boy that was courtin' a prominent man's daughter wanted to marry her. The old man didn't think he was bright enough to have into the family, so he thought he'd give him a test. He sent him down into the cellar and told him to bring up enough apples to give the girl's mother half and half an apple over, his daughter half of what was left with a half an apple over and he'd have one apple left for himself. That one apple's the key to how many he must bring up to make 'em run out right. He gave the matron half the quantity with half an apple over, the girl half of the remainder with a half an apple over, and he had one apple left for himself but he mustn't cut an apple. That was more in the nature of a mathematical problem but it's one that I have always liked. That one apple, you know, is the key. And what was the answer to that? He brought up seven apples and he gave the girl's mother four. Half of seven is three and a half. He gave her four. That was half of the quantity and half an apple over. He had three left. Half of three is one and a half, so he give the girl two. That 'as half of three and and half an apple over and he had one. He didn't have to cut one. Marybird McAllister: What can go up the chimney down but cain't go down the chimney up? An umbrella. Louis Shiflett: I used to know all kinds of riddles if I could think about it. What a man ain't got nor can't have but can give it to a woman. And you're supposed to think that means a baby, but it means a husband. Well, for the fellows on the riddle that's mostly they thought 'twas, but it was a husband. I did know a riddle, but -- let's see. Man that made it didn't want it. Man that bought it didn't use it. Man that used it didn't know it. Now what was that? That's a casket. I used to know hundreds of riddles. Riddle to my riddle to my right. Where did you stay last Friday night? The wind did blow. The trees did shake. My heart did ache to see that hole that Fox did make. That was a man named Fox that was diggin' a person's grave. That's the answer. Name was Fox. Round as a whip; deep as a cup; and all the king's mules can't pull it up. That's a well. Let's see. Used to just know all kinds. Old woman pit it and patted it. Old man down with his britches and run at it. Now what was that? That was the old woman making the bed and the old man down with his britches and went for it, went for his bed, you know. It always has a different sound. Stiff standing in the bed, half white and half red. Radish. You ever noticed that they're half white and half red? Round as a dollar; busy as a bee. Prettiest little thing you ever did see. That's a watch. Twelve pairs hanging high. Eleven men come riding by. Each man took a pair and left eleven hanging there. Now could you figure it out. Each man. One man's name was Each. He was the man that took a pair. See, weren't but one pair tooken. Here sits a dish of all kind of flowers. Tell me this riddle, I'll quote you three hours. That's honey -- a dish of honey. People used to make them things. These are all ole-timey kinds of riddles that they make. Samson made a riddle in the scripture. I don't know if you've read that, 'bout that lion that the bees went in the carcass of the lion and made honey. That was a true riddle. Most all these riddles is true, if you can just get it. It's kinda like a parable. The Lord spoke a parable a lot of times for the reason that his people might understand and the people that wasn't his people not to understand. | ||||
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